Sunday, May 10, 2009
Last blogged @ 2:11 PM

Life sucks.




Let me tell you a story, about me.


I used to meet X, my ex-boyf everyday after school.
He was very nice, to buy me lunch and snacks after school.
We didn't eat at hawker centres, but at restaurants everytime we go to a shopping mall.
I was very rich at that time so everytime I withdraw cash from my bank accounts, it would range from at least $50 to $200.


Yes, no lies.



Everything seems sweet.
I slowly get to know his parents and go to his house very often to play Audition cos my parents don't really like me to play games, but to concentrate on my studies instead.
So slowly, it became a routine, and an addiction to see him everyday.
We had quarrels in between and I started getting obsessive.
I disliked the way he talked to girls and flirt around.
Cos I've caught him flirting with girls and stuffs for many times.
He always threatened to kill all my family members.
He threatened to kill my dogs.
He fought with me, like kicks & boxes.
There was once when we quarreled, and that was roughly the last time we saw each other.
That quarrel got very big, and my parents got involved.
My mom came out and obviously, he got frightened and when home shortly.
He started messaging me to meet him for one last time.
I was very forgiving, I said alright.
It was very dark outside the waiting area at my house.
At that time, Tangerine Grove, the newly built condo was not even there yet.
Therefore, barely anyone even walks past.
He took out a knife from his sling bag.
And started to threaten me that he would kill himself and stuffs.
Then shortly after, we broke up.


Because I came to know this guy called Ambrose Lim, in which helped me threaten him to not harrass me anymore.

At that time, Ambrose was only my Maple boyfriend.
And his friends and him decided to come down to help me.
After that we got together.
However, he still continues to bug me.
So his friends and him just threatened him to not text me anymore.


However, I have to admit something.
I find it very hard to trust.
It's really very very disturbing.
If I tell you that I've got thoughts of suicide, would you believe me?
I feel very sorry and indepted to Ambrose.
Sometimes, I would suggest breakups because that is what I think would be better for him.
Seriously, I'm so sorry.
Can anyone tell me what I can do?
I know this can't go on, and it would be very serious as time goes by.
It's hard when you can't trust someone whom you love so much.
I've never stopped/gave up loving Ambrose, but I can't learn how to trust.
I'm trying so hard.
But wild thoughts would just appear.
Even though I know nothing would happen, but the thoughts just appears.
It's getting very disturbing.
How can this stop?
Am I sick?
Do I need to see a doctor?